First Dates
And why I usually never had a second one.
If you’ve been reading my posts you probably have noticed they tend to be somewhat random. Or so I thought. Sometimes patterns of themes reveal themselves in hindsight. When I notice them it’s one of those duh! moments for me.
So what about first dates? Well before I met my wife, with only a few exceptions, I never got past a first date. For me a first date wasn’t a feeling out period, I would lay out my soul unabashedly: “this is who I am”. This was more than most of my dates could handle and I guess who can blame them, right? But I didn’t care. If anything I’ve always tried to be honest and not play a role. I really embraced Sartre’s Existentialism. Be legitimate.
So what does this have to do with FilmStack dear reader? (I’ve always wanted to write that!). Let me try to explain. A few people have reached out to me after reading my substack or in response to a comment I made on their post. I’ve had a zoom call with a filmmaker and had drinks with a first time documentary filmmaker last night then caught a movie that her editor had made. More offers are coming in to chat all the time. My mindset going into these is it’s like a first date. I tell them who I am, what I’m trying to accomplish with complete openess. But unlike those past failed first dates, these have been reciprocal. The other person is interested, engaged, and has as much or more to share with me. Now this is my idea of a great first date!
So this got me thinking about the larger themes of community. What I’m doing isn’t networking. I’m not seeking career advancement from these encounters. It’s really just an organic, just feels right kind of outreach. No expectations, just talking about what we are doing, how we’re doing it, our struggles and successes, hopes and dreams. We end our conversations with promises to stay in touch. And I believe we will. It’s not like those blow off comments so many people hear like “I’ll give you a call” and you know they never will. Rinse and repeat. That must be hell for those of you who’ve had to deal with the normal networking process for years. I think we’re creating a new model of interaction here on FilmStack. Fuck that. I know we are. I’m proof.
More reoccurring themes I’ve noticed in my posts I can trace back to my very first post where I wrote that my substack wasn’t going to be about someone making their first film at 62 as an inspiration to others. I was just sharing whatever thoughts came into my head as I made my film. They are truly random. But they did have a common thread. They are reflections, impressions of community that have become more intentional as I see these themes more clearly. I’m also going to write more about my documentary. What my journey has been making it.
Okay I’ve exhausted this random thought about first dates. I hope you’ve enjoyed it. Maybe it will encourage you to reach out to someone you admire and want to get to know better outside of substack. I highly recommend it!
But Tom, I think that’s what genuine “networking” should be! Mutual interest, shared passion and availability. We think of networking as extractive — what can I GET from this person? — but imagine if we met each other in a generous, genuine authentic manner more often? Let’s do that. Let’s be here for each other. Let’s network like angels.
Tom, you express so well how naturally a connection can occur when there’s a genuine shared interest that you are excited about! I think about how when we were kids we made friends in various kinds of “working groups,” like being on sports teams, or putting on plays, or just navigating learning in classrooms. Having a “thing” to do and learn about together is a much richer way to from bonds than the grown-up way we tend to do it. I think this is a beautiful aspect of the NonDē project - that we are getting to know each other by working together to develop our projects.